04-06-2009
Not a joke per se, but nice bit of geek humor (I'm pretty sure everyone's read this, but here goes).
How to Shoot Yourself In the Foot:
C
You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++
You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there."
FORTRAN
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility.
Modula-2
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.
COBOL
USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.
PERL
You stab yourself in the foot repeatedly with an incredibly large and very heavy Swiss Army knife.
Assembly Language
You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot. After a moment of contemplation, the administrator shoots himself in the foot and then hops around the room rabidly shooting at everyone in sight.
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NEXT(3) 1 NEXT(3)
next - Advance the internal array pointer of an array
SYNOPSIS
mixed next (array &$array)
DESCRIPTION
next(3) behaves like current(3), with one difference. It advances the internal array pointer one place forward before returning the element
value. That means it returns the next array value and advances the internal array pointer by one.
PARAMETERS
o $array
- The array being affected.
RETURN VALUES
Returns the array value in the next place that's pointed to by the internal array pointer, or FALSE if there are no more elements.
Warning
This function may return Boolean FALSE, but may also return a non-Boolean value which evaluates to FALSE. Please read the section on
Booleans for more information. Use the === operator for testing the return value of this function.
EXAMPLES
Example #1
Example use of next(3) and friends
<?php
$transport = array('foot', 'bike', 'car', 'plane');
$mode = current($transport); // $mode = 'foot';
$mode = next($transport); // $mode = 'bike';
$mode = next($transport); // $mode = 'car';
$mode = prev($transport); // $mode = 'bike';
$mode = end($transport); // $mode = 'plane';
?>
NOTES
Note
You won't be able to distinguish the end of an array from a boolean FALSE element. To properly traverse an array which may contain
FALSE elements, see the each(3) function.
SEE ALSO
current(3), end(3), prev(3), reset(3), each(3).
PHP Documentation Group NEXT(3)