04-06-2009
Not a joke per se, but nice bit of geek humor (I'm pretty sure everyone's read this, but here goes).
How to Shoot Yourself In the Foot:
C
You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++
You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there."
FORTRAN
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility.
Modula-2
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.
COBOL
USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.
PERL
You stab yourself in the foot repeatedly with an incredibly large and very heavy Swiss Army knife.
Assembly Language
You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot. After a moment of contemplation, the administrator shoots himself in the foot and then hops around the room rabidly shooting at everyone in sight.
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http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c228/jralph2005/bart.png
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MAN(7) Miscellaneous Information Manual MAN(7)
NAME
man - macros to typeset manual
SYNOPSIS
nroff -man file ...
troff -man file ...
DESCRIPTION
These macros are used to lay out pages of this manual. A skeleton page may be found in the file /usr/man/man.template.
Any text argument t may be zero to six words. Quotes may be used to include blanks in a `word'. If text is empty, special treatment is
applied to the next input line with text to be printed. In this way .I may be used to italicize a whole line, or .SM may be followed by .B
to make small bold letters.
A prevailing indent distance is remembered between successive indented paragraphs, and is reset to default value upon reaching a non-
indented paragraph. Default units for indents i are ens.
Type font and size are reset to default values before each paragraph, and after processing font and size setting macros.
These strings are predefined by -man:
*R `(Reg)', trademark symbol in troff.
*S Change to default type size.
FILES
/usr/share/tmac/tmac.an
/usr/man/man.template
SEE ALSO
troff(1), man(1)
BUGS
Relative indents don't nest.
REQUESTS
Request Cause If no Explanation Break Argument .B t no t=n.t.l.*Text t is bold. .BI
t no t=n.t.l. Join words of t alternating bold and italic. .BR t no t=n.t.l. Join words of t
alternating bold and Roman. .DT no .5i 1i...Restore default tabs. .HP i yes i=p.i.* Set pre-
vailing indent to i. Begin paragraph with hanging indent. .I t no t=n.t.l. Text t is italic. .IB
t no t=n.t.l. Join words of t alternating italic and bold. .IP x i yes x="" Same as .TP with tag
x. .IR t no t=n.t.l. Join words of t alternating italic and Roman. .LP yes - Same as
.PP. .PD d no d=.4v Interparagraph distance is d. .PP yes - Begin paragraph. Set
prevailing indent to .5i. .RE yes - End of relative indent. Set prevailing indent to amount of
starting .RS. .RB t no t=n.t.l. Join words of t alternating Roman and bold. .RI
t no t=n.t.l. Join words of t alternating Roman and italic. .RS i yes i=p.i. Start relative
indent, move left margin in distance i. Set prevailing indent to .5i for nested indents. .SH
t yes t=n.t.l. Subhead. .SM t no t=n.t.l. Text t is small. .TH n c x v m yes -Begin
page named n of chapter c; x is extra commentary, e.g. `local', for page foot center; v alters page foot left, e.g.
`4th Berkeley Distribution'; m alters page head center, e.g. `Brand X Programmer's Manual'. Set prevailing indent and
tabs to .5i. .TP i yes i=p.i. Set prevailing indent to i. Begin indented paragraph with hanging tag given
by next text line. If tag doesn't fit, place it on separate line.
* n.t.l. = next text line; p.i. = prevailing indent
7th Edition October 22, 1996 MAN(7)