What is on Your Mind?

A man was walking by the insane asylum. He could hear the inmates chanting in the courtyard "THIRTEEN, THIRTEEN, THIRTEEN . . . ." But he couldn't see anything due to a wood fence hiding the courtyard from view. As he kept walking the chant continued "THIRTEEN, THIRTEEN, THIRTEEN . . . ." and he got more and more curious. It was driving him crazy not to know what they were chanting about. Finally he saw a small hole in the fence about waist-high and knelt down to see what was going on.

Just as his eye got up to the hole in the fence, a penis poked through the hole and got him in the eye. He heard the inmates chanting again. "FOURTEEN, FOURTEEN, FOURTEEN!"

a unix admin and a windows admin walk out of a bar.
They see a dog licking himself .
The windows admin says " I wish I could do that"
the Unix Admin says " you should pet him first" .

Rajpat (father): "I want you to marry a girl of my choice."
Son: "I will choose my own bride!!!"
Rajpat: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter.."
Son: "Well, in that case... ok"

Next Rajpat approaches Bill Gates.
Rajpat: "I have a husband for your daughter...."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!!!!!"
Rajpat: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case... ok"

Finally Rajpat goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Rajpat: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Rajpat: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case... ok"

Ha ha ha ha its really very very funny man,,,,,,,,

A little rabbit happily running through the forest stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a marijuana cigarette. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.

Then they come across an elephant doing opium, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, and then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.

The three animals then come across a lion about to take a heroin shot... The rabbit says "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the hell out of the little rabbit.

As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"

The lion answers...... .....

"That little devil makes me run around the forest like an idiot for hours
every time he's high on cocaine!"...

The pope of Rome has died. He walks up the golden stair and knocks on the Pearly Gate.

Saint Peter looks out: "What's up?"

"I want to come in!"

"Ah, uh, and ... who are you?"

"I am the Pope of Rome."

"Pope of Rome?", Peter scratches his ear, "Pope of Rome ... Pope of Rome .... sorry, i don't know any Pope of Rome. But wait - maybe Junior knows."

Peter goes to Jesus Christ and asks "hey, Junior, there is a guy outside and he wants to come in. He says he is the Pope of Rome. Do you know any 'Pope of Rome'?"

"Pope of Rome ... Pope of Rome", Jesus mutters, "sorry. I don't know any 'Pope of Rome'. But ask the boss. Maybe daddy knows."

So Peter goes to God and asks: "Uh, boss, there is this guy outside who wants to come in. He claims to be some 'Pope of Rome', but nobody has ever heard about a Pope of Rome. Do you know him?"

"Pope of Rome ...., hm, Pope of Rome ...", God strikes his beard, "sorry, never heard of him. But have you asked Smokey?"

So Saint Peter shouts "Smokey! Smokey!". There is a little lightning, a puff of smoke and there stands the Holy Spirit.

"Ahem, Smokey, sorry to bother you, but there is a guy outside wanting to come in, he claims he is some 'Pope of Rome'. Do you know any 'Pope of Rome'?"

"Pope of Rome ...., Pope of Rome ...", the Holy Spirit mutters, shaking his head. Then he cries out: "The POPE OF ROME! Now it comes to me! This is the guy that keeps telling ugly stories about me and Saint Mary - GET HIM OUT! GET HIM OUT!"

bakunin

This is said to be an alert to IBM Field Engineers that really went out to all IBM Branch Offices.

Abstract: Mouse Balls Available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit)

Mouse Balls are now available as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be harder and larger than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending on the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic alls are replaced using the twist off method. Mouse Balls are usually not static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.

It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction, and that any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.


Kind regards
zxmaus

---------- Post updated 07-18-09 at 12:49 AM ---------- Previous update was 07-17-09 at 03:30 PM ----------

A little old lady went into the Bank of America one day,carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!" After a bit of discussion, the bank staff finally took her into the president's office.

The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, '$750,000!' and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.
The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her,
"Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets."
The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"
The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"
The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"
"Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"

The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 am as a witness?"
"Sure!" replied the confident president.

That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.

The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "I bet $25,000 that the president's balls are square!"

The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.

"Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure."

Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall.The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?"

She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 am today, I'd have The Bank of America's president's balls in my hand."