OK. This is embarassing. But for all you other newbies out there:
I uploaded everything in ASCII (text) format. Still got the errors.
I went through all combinatorial possibilities of chmod ### on the cgi.
Still Got the errors.
I made sure that the alias was correct. Still got the errors.
What caused the error ?
I know you're all dying to know
...
The first line of the program was blank.
Duh.
The second line was my shebang #!usr/bin/perl (often #!usr/local/bin/perl).
So make sure you check that, when you're uploading a file that you've written in BBedit, notepad or just saving a file from vim, pico whatever--make sure the first line's not blank.
It will save you at least 31 hours. Of course, you'll learn a lot less if you do it right the first time.
sheepishly,
paqi