A man had been lost and wandering in the Chinese wilderness for 3
months. All he had to eat was what he could forage and was forced to
sleep wherever he could find meager shelter.

One day he came upon an old farm house. In answer to his knock, an
old Chinese gentleman asked "WHAT DO YOU WANT". The man responds,
"I have been lost in the wilderness for 3 months and have not had a decent
meal or nights sleep in just as long. May I stay the night?"

The old man agreed under the condition that there be no messing with
his granddaughter. "I will cause you no trouble", the man said.
"That's very good" said the old man. "Because if I catch you with my
granddaughter, you will suffer the three most severe Chinese
tortures".

The granddaughter attended the evening meal and the man was awestruck
by her beauty. Since he had been alone for so long and she had not
been with a man in her life, they could hardly keep their eyes off of
each other during the meal.

Later that night the man crept into her room and they had a terrific
time together. They were careful to be quiet so they wouldn't awaken the
grandfather. Afterwards, the man returned to his room (on the third
floor), and thought: "That marvelous experience was worth enduring a
thousand tortures". He then fell promptly asleep and had the best
sleep in three months.

Upon awakening, he felt an incredible weight on his chest. He then
realized that there was a 100 pound rock on his chest. On the rock
was a sign that read: "1st Chinese Torture - 100 Pound Rock On
Chest".

This is some lame torture thought the man as he carried it over to
the window and threw it out. Then he noticed another sign on the
bottom of the rock "2nd Chinese torture - Right Testicle Tied To
Rock". Knowing that it was too late to catch the rock, the man
hurled himself out of the window after it. Passing through the
window the man saw a third sign on the window ledge. "3rd Chinese
torture - Left Testicle Tied To Bedpost"....