07-30-2009
Three greatest Chinese tortures
A man had been lost and wandering in the Chinese wilderness for 3
months. All he had to eat was what he could forage and was forced to
sleep wherever he could find meager shelter.
One day he came upon an old farm house. In answer to his knock, an
old Chinese gentleman asked "WHAT DO YOU WANT". The man responds,
"I have been lost in the wilderness for 3 months and have not had a decent
meal or nights sleep in just as long. May I stay the night?"
The old man agreed under the condition that there be no messing with
his granddaughter. "I will cause you no trouble", the man said.
"That's very good" said the old man. "Because if I catch you with my
granddaughter, you will suffer the three most severe Chinese
tortures".
The granddaughter attended the evening meal and the man was awestruck
by her beauty. Since he had been alone for so long and she had not
been with a man in her life, they could hardly keep their eyes off of
each other during the meal.
Later that night the man crept into her room and they had a terrific
time together. They were careful to be quiet so they wouldn't awaken the
grandfather. Afterwards, the man returned to his room (on the third
floor), and thought: "That marvelous experience was worth enduring a
thousand tortures". He then fell promptly asleep and had the best
sleep in three months.
Upon awakening, he felt an incredible weight on his chest. He then
realized that there was a 100 pound rock on his chest. On the rock
was a sign that read: "1st Chinese Torture - 100 Pound Rock On
Chest".
This is some lame torture thought the man as he carried it over to
the window and threw it out. Then he noticed another sign on the
bottom of the rock "2nd Chinese torture - Right Testicle Tied To
Rock". Knowing that it was too late to catch the rock, the man
hurled himself out of the window after it. Passing through the
window the man saw a third sign on the window ledge. "3rd Chinese
torture - Left Testicle Tied To Bedpost"....
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CHING(6) Games Manual CHING(6)
NAME
ching, fortune - the book of changes and other cookies
SYNOPSIS
/usr/games/ching [ hexagram ]
/usr/games/fortune
DESCRIPTION
The I Ching or Book of Changes is an ancient Chinese oracle that has been in use for centuries as a source of wisdom and advice.
The text of the oracle (as it is sometimes known) consists of sixty-four hexagrams, each symbolized by a particular arrangement of six
straight (---) and broken (- -) lines. These lines have values ranging from six through nine, with the even values indicating the broken
lines.
Each hexagram consists of two major sections. The Judgement relates specifically to the matter at hand (E.g., "It furthers one to have
somewhere to go.") while the Image describes the general attributes of the hexagram and how they apply to one's own life ("Thus the supe-
rior man makes himself strong and untiring.").
When any of the lines have the values six or nine, they are moving lines; for each there is an appended judgement which becomes signifi-
cant. Furthermore, the moving lines are inherently unstable and change into their opposites; a second hexagram (and thus an additional
judgement) is formed.
Normally, one consults the oracle by fixing the desired question firmly in mind and then casting a set of changes (lines) using
yarrow-stalks or tossed coins. The resulting hexagram will be the answer to the question.
Using an algorithm suggested by S. C. Johnson, the Unix oracle simply reads a question from the standard input (up to an EOF) and hashes
the individual characters in combination with the time of day, process id and any other magic numbers which happen to be lying around the
system. The resulting value is used as the seed of a random number generator which drives a simulated coin-toss divination. The answer is
then piped through nroff for formatting and will appear on the standard output.
For those who wish to remain steadfast in the old traditions, the oracle will also accept the results of a personal divination using, for
example, coins. To do this, cast the change and then type the resulting line values as an argument.
The impatient modern may prefer to settle for Chinese cookies; try fortune.
SEE ALSO
It furthers one to see the great man.
DIAGNOSTICS
The great prince issues commands,
Founds states, vests families with fiefs.
Inferior people should not be employed.
BUGS
Waiting in the mud
Brings about the arrival of the enemy.
If one is not extremely careful,
Somebody may come up from behind and strike him.
Misfortune.
CHING(6)