Sponsored Content
Full Discussion: Funny Quotes-UNIX
The Lounge What is on Your Mind? Funny Quotes-UNIX Post 302244844 by bakunin on Wednesday 8th of October 2008 06:03:14 PM
Old 10-08-2008
Reminds me on this one (from here and probably a gazillion of other sites):


Need a little UNIX help?

Customer: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program ?

UNIX consul: Yes, that's correct.

Customer: No, what is it ?

UNIX consul: Yes.

Customer: So, which is the one ?

UNIX consul: No. 'which' is used to find the program.

Customer: Stop this. Who are you ?

UNIX consul: Use 'who am i' not 'who r yoo'. You can also 'finger yoo' to get information about yoo'.

Customer: All I want to know is what finds the revision code ?

UNIX consul: Use 'what'.

Customer: That's what I am trying to find out. Isn't that true ?

UNIX consul: No. 'true' gives you 0.

Customer: Which one ?

UNIX consul: 'true' gives you 0. 'which programname'

Customer: Let's get back to my problem. What program? How do I find it?

UNIX consul: Type 'find / -name it -print' to find 'it'. Type 'what program' to get the revision code.

Customer: I want to find the revision code.

UNIX consul: You can't 'find revisioncode', you must use 'what program'

Customer: Which command will do what I need?

UNIX consul: No. 'which command' will find 'command'.

Customer: I think I understand. Let me write that.

UNIX consul: You can 'write that' only if 'that' is a user on your system.

Customer: Write what?

UNIX consul: No. 'write that'. 'what program'.

Customer: Cut that out!

UNIX consul: Yes. those are valid files for 'cut'. Don't forget the options.

Customer: Do you always do this ?

UNIX consul: 'du' will give you disk usage.

Customer: HELP!

UNIX consul: 'help' is only used for Source Code Control System (SCCS).

Customer: You make me angry.

UNIX consul: No, I don't 'make me' angry but I did 'make programname' when I was upset once.

Customer: I don't want to make trouble, so no more.

UNIX consul: No 'more'? 'which' will help you find 'more'. Every system has 'more'.

Customer: Nice help! I'm confused more now!

UNIX consul: Understand that since 'help' is such a small program, it is better not to 'nice help'. and 'more now' is not allowed but 'at now' is. Unless, of course, 'now' is a file name.

Customer: This is almost as confusing as my PC.

UNIX consul: I didn't know you needed help with 'pc'. Let me get you to the Pascal Compiler team.
 

9 More Discussions You Might Find Interesting

1. Shell Programming and Scripting

unix command to insert double quotes

Hi, I am looking for a unix command which inserts double quotes around all values in a text file. For example, Input: 1234 200 4686 3506056 9646 457 5647 5066762 5656 366 5869 5978459 Output: "1234" "200" "4686" "3506056" "9646" "457" "5647" "5066762" "5656" "366" "5869"... (2 Replies)
Discussion started by: berlin_germany
2 Replies

2. Shell Programming and Scripting

Double quotes or single quotes when using ssh?

I'm not very familiar with the ssh command. When I tried to set a variable and then echo its value on a remote machine via ssh, I found a problem. For example, $ ITSME=itsme $ ssh xxx.xxxx.xxx.xxx "ITSME=itsyou; echo $ITSME" itsme $ ssh xxx.xxxx.xxx.xxx 'ITSME=itsyou; echo $ITSME' itsyou $... (3 Replies)
Discussion started by: password636
3 Replies

3. Shell Programming and Scripting

Single quotes and double quotes

Hi guys, I have a sed line in double quotes which works fine, but I want it to be in single quotes here is the sed line sed "/abc_def/s/\'.*\'/\'\${abc_def}\'/" can some one give the equivalent to the above script in single quotes Thanks a ton (5 Replies)
Discussion started by: sol_nov
5 Replies

4. UNIX for Dummies Questions & Answers

unix command to insert double quotes in a delimited file

Hi, I am looking for a unix command which inserts double quotes around all values in a delimited file. For example, Input File 153665031,abc,abc ,abc 131278839,def,def ,dec 179821481,efg,efg ,lmn ... (6 Replies)
Discussion started by: Bachu
6 Replies

5. What is on Your Mind?

Old, but still funny

Annoyances.org - Upgrading to Wife 1.0 (0 Replies)
Discussion started by: jgt
0 Replies

6. UNIX for Dummies Questions & Answers

grep single quotes or double quotes

Unix superusers, I am new to unix but would like to learn more about grep. I am very familiar with regular expressions as i have used them for searching text files in windows based text editors. Since I am not very familiar with Unix, I dont understand when one should use GREP with the... (2 Replies)
Discussion started by: george_vandelet
2 Replies

7. Shell Programming and Scripting

Having a terrible problem with quotes/single quotes!

Hello. I'm trying to write a bash script that uses GNU screen and have hit a brick wall that has cost me many hours... (I'm sure it has something to do with quoting/globbing, which is why I post it here) I can make a script that does the following just fine: test.sh: #!/bin/bash # make... (2 Replies)
Discussion started by: jondecker76
2 Replies

8. Shell Programming and Scripting

Issue with Single Quotes and Double Quotes for prompt PS1

Hi, Trying to change the prompt. I have the following code. export PS1=' <${USER}@`hostname -s`>$ ' The hostname is not displayed <abc@`hostname -s`>$ uname -a AIX xyz 1 6 00F736154C00 <adcwl4h@`hostname -s`>$ If I use double quotes, then the hostname is printed properly but... (3 Replies)
Discussion started by: bobbygsk
3 Replies

9. Shell Programming and Scripting

Replace Double quotes within double quotes in a column with space while loading a CSV file

Hi All, I'm unable to load the data using sql loader where there are double quotes within the double quotes As these are optionally enclosed by double quotes. Sample Data : "221100",138.00,"D","0019/1477","44012075","49938","49938/15043000","Television - 22" Refurbished - Airwave","Supply... (6 Replies)
Discussion started by: mlavanya
6 Replies
GET_END(3)						     Library Functions Manual							GET_END(3)

NAME
get_end, get_etext, get_edata - get values of UNIX link editor defined symbols SYNOPSIS
#include <mach-o/getsect.h> unsigned long get_end(); unsigned long get_etext(); unsigned long get_edata(); DESCRIPTION
These routines provide a stopgap measure to programs that use the UNIX link-editor defined symbols. Use of these routines is very strongly discouraged. The problem is that any program that is using UNIX link editor defined symbols (_end, _etext or _edata) is making assumptions that the program has the memory layout of a UNIX program. This is an incorrect assumption for a program built by the Mach-O link editor. The reason that these routines are provided is that if very minimal assumptions about the layout are used and the default format and memory layout of the Mach-O link editor is used to build the pro- gram, some things may work by using the values returned by these routines in place of the addresses of their UNIX link-editor defined sym- bols. So use at your own risk, and only if you know what your doing. Or better yet, convert the program to use the appropriate Mach or Mach-O functions. If you are trying to allocate memory use vm_allocate(2), if you are trying to find out about your address space use vm_region(2) and if you are trying to find out where your program is loaded use the dyld(3) functions. The values of the UNIX link-editor defined symbols _etext, _edata and _end are returned by the routines get_etext, get_edata, and get_end respectively. In a Mach-O file they have the following values: get_etext returns the first address after the (__TEXT,__text) section, note this my or may not be the only section in the __TEXT segment. get_edata returns the first address after the (__DATA,__data) section, note this my or may not be the last non-zero fill section in the __DATA segment. get_end returns the first address after the last segment in the executable, note a shared library may be loaded at this address. SEE ALSO
ld(1), dyld(3) Apple Computer, Inc. April 10, 1998 GET_END(3)
All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:27 PM.
Unix & Linux Forums Content Copyright 1993-2022. All Rights Reserved.
Privacy Policy