What is on Your Mind?

One day a hippie gets a ride on a public bus and sees a hot young nun.
He sits down next to her and promptly asks if she would like to have sex, to which she immediately
says no and walks off the bus.
The bus driver leans over and says "Hey guy I know how to get that nun to have sex with you"

Naturally the hippie asks, and the bus driver tells him that every night at midnight the nun goes to
an old graveyard to pray for god to forgive her for her past, and that he should dress up like god and
tell the nun she will be forgiven if she has sex with you.

The hippie gives his thanks and runs to the nearest costume shop.

Later that evening the hippie gets ready for his big night and drives down to the graveyard and sees the
nun praying, on her knees. He sits behind her and says "Behold, I have heard your prayers and you shall be
forgiven if you have sex with me!"

The nun agrees but asks if they can have anal sex in order to keep her virginity.
The hippie agrees and once they are finished the hippie jumps back and pulls off his mask and
says "Surpise, its me the Hippie!"

The nun jumps up and pulls off her mask and says "Surprise, its me the bus driver!"

OK, this is rubbish, but....

A duck walks into a pub and asks the barman "do you have any bread?".

The barman says "No. This is a pub. We have beer, gin, whisky. That's it"

The duck says "Oh, OK, never mind. C'ya"

The next day the duck walks back into the pub and asks "do you have any bread?"

The barman says "No, I thought I told you, this is a pub. We sell beer, gin, whisky..."

"OK" says the duck, "never mind. C'ya"

The next day the duck walks back into the pub and asks the barman "got any bread?".

The barman, clearly annoyed says "Look I've told you twice, this is a pub. We sell beer, gin and whisky. If I have to tell you again you stupid twit, I'll nail your feet to the floor and kick the hell out of your head."

Next day the duck walks back into the pub and asks the barman "Got a hammer?"

"No"

"Got any nails?"

"No"

"Got any bread?"

A guy went out hunting. He had all the gear, the jacket, the boots and the double-barreled shotgun.
As he was climbing over a fence, he dropped the gun and it went off, right on his penis.

Obviously, he had to see a doctor.
When he woke up from surgery, he found that the doctor had done a marvelous job repairing it.
As he got ready to go home, the doctor gave him a business card. "This is my brother's card.
I'll make an appointment for you to see him."

The guy says "Is your brother a doctor?"

To which the doctor replies, "No, he plays the flute.
He'll show you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye."

ok this is a description of a cartoon, but it still makes me laugh.

Dude is sitting in a wireless equipped Starbucks sipping his cappa and typing away on his laptop. There's a woman a couple of tables away doing the same thing.

Dude is engaging in some kind of live chat. "It's so hard to meet real people these days" he types.

"I feel the same way" types the woman a few tables away.

The college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late.

Those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student‘s immediate family.

A ‘smart‘ student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up. “But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?“

As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter. When the students had finally settled down, the professor froze the young man with a glaring look.

“Well,“ he responded, “I guess you‘ll just have to learn to write with your other hand.“

LOL I'll use it.

Laughter is a unique medicine that places your problems in perspective, relaxes your tense muscles, reassures those around you, and helps you to enjoy life even when you don't have everything you want.


Ashu