What is on Your Mind?

Code:

 A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn't turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out.
 Santa asked Banta: Why Manmohan Singh Prefer to go for a walk in evening?
Banta: Very simple, because he is PM not AM.
 Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatos 5 days ago, he hasn't came back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else? .
 An Englishman and santa inside the toilet.
Englishman: Good evening, how do u do?
Santa: Good evening, we open the zip and do! 
 Ultimate answer while changing the job.
Interviewer: Why did you change your last job?
Santa: Because the company shifted and didn't tell me where.

Code:

Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar: India ..
Boss: which part?
Sardar: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India .
 
sardar was fixing a bomb in a car. 
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb
explodes while fixing. 
Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more
 
 
Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.
 
 
 
Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
 
 
Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken.
Sardar: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.
 

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
 
 
 
Sardar: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '
 

NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE:
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Sardar: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Sardar: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
 
 
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sardar: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.

A man had been lost and wandering in the Chinese wilderness for 3
months. All he had to eat was what he could forage and was forced to
sleep wherever he could find meager shelter.

One day he came upon an old farm house. In answer to his knock, an
old Chinese gentleman asked "WHAT DO YOU WANT". The man responds,
"I have been lost in the wilderness for 3 months and have not had a decent
meal or nights sleep in just as long. May I stay the night?"

The old man agreed under the condition that there be no messing with
his granddaughter. "I will cause you no trouble", the man said.
"That's very good" said the old man. "Because if I catch you with my
granddaughter, you will suffer the three most severe Chinese
tortures".

The granddaughter attended the evening meal and the man was awestruck
by her beauty. Since he had been alone for so long and she had not
been with a man in her life, they could hardly keep their eyes off of
each other during the meal.

Later that night the man crept into her room and they had a terrific
time together. They were careful to be quiet so they wouldn't awaken the
grandfather. Afterwards, the man returned to his room (on the third
floor), and thought: "That marvelous experience was worth enduring a
thousand tortures". He then fell promptly asleep and had the best
sleep in three months.

Upon awakening, he felt an incredible weight on his chest. He then
realized that there was a 100 pound rock on his chest. On the rock
was a sign that read: "1st Chinese Torture - 100 Pound Rock On
Chest".

This is some lame torture thought the man as he carried it over to
the window and threw it out. Then he noticed another sign on the
bottom of the rock "2nd Chinese torture - Right Testicle Tied To
Rock". Knowing that it was too late to catch the rock, the man
hurled himself out of the window after it. Passing through the
window the man saw a third sign on the window ledge. "3rd Chinese
torture - Left Testicle Tied To Bedpost"....

Frankly Franklin ( this is nice ) I could not stop laughing ...
Just mapping the same tortures to the girl, it would be even more hilarious

The following is not a joke but a story which really happened:

A colleague of mine was working as a support guy at a real big german software company which sells standard software (if you guessed that its name starts with an "S" you are correct). A manager once called and complained that his mouse was "working shaky". The reason was simple: mice worked with balls back then and the device has gobbled up enough dirt that the ball wasn't working properly any more. The solution was simple: clean it.

The guy was told exactly this, but - being a manager - wanted to have it done. So he "played dumb" and complained - until he got to my colleague.

He went straight to his office and told him: "All that talk about dirt is nonsense. You got one of these new mouse pads last month?"

"Yes."

"Well, the company saved on these and they are very poor quality, not completely anti-static and so."

He added some pseudo-technical mumbo-jumbo to that to drive the message home, then went in for the kill: "Whatever we will do the problem will persist because the statical electricity will not be removed. But you could do the following: they have a high-quality carpeting everywhere here, which is - being designed especially for computerized workplaces - completely anti-static, anti-whatsoever and fully digitally compatible. Just unplug your mouse and drag it behind you for some time, this will slowly remove all the static electricity and it will work perfectly again."

Then he ran back to our office and told us all to watch. Right there, at lunchtime, we saw the guy walking his mouse.

bakunin

1.Examine the software packaging until you find a little printed box that explains what kind of computer system you need to run the software. It should look something like this:
SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS -
286 PROCESSOR OR HIGHER
628.8 MEGAHERTZ MODEM
719.7 MB FREE DISK SPACE
3546 MB RAM
432323 MB ROM
05948737 MB RPM
ANTILOCK BRAKING SYSTEM
2 TURTLE DOVES

NOTE: This software is not likely to work on your computer.

2.Open the software packaging and remove the manual. This will contain detailed instructions on installing, operating, and troubleshooting the software. Throw it away.

3.Find the actual software, which should be in the form of either a 3.5-inch floppy diskette or a CD-ROM, located inside a sealed envelope that says: LICENSING AGREEMENT: By breaking this seal, the user hereinafter agrees to abide by all the terms and conditions of the following agreement that nobody ever reads, as well as the Geneva Convention and the U.N.Charter and the Secret Membership Oath of the Benevolent Protective Order of the Elks and such other terms and conditions, real and imaginary, as the Software Company shall deem necessary and appropriate, including the right to come to the user's home and examine the user's hard drive, as well as the user's underwear drawer if we feel like it, take it or leave it, until death do us part, one nation indivisible, by the dawn's early light, in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost, finders keepers, losers weepers, thanks you've been a great crowd, and don't forget to tip your servers.

4.Hand the software to a child aged 3 through 12 and say, "(Name of child), please install this on my computer."

5.If you have no child age 3 through 12, insert the software in the appropriate drive, type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.

6.Turn the computer on, you idiot.

7.Once again type "SETUP" and press the Enter key.

8.You will hear grinding and whirring noises* for a while, after which the following message should appear on your screen:
The Installation Program will now examine your system to see what would be the best way to render it inoperable. Is it OK with you? Choose one, and be honest:

YES | SURE

9.After you make your selection, you will hear grinding and whirring for a very long time while the installation program does God knows what in there. Some installation programs can actually alter molecular structures, so that when they're done, your computer has been transformed into an entirely new device, such as a food processor. At the very least, the installation program will create many new directories, sub-directories, sub-sub-directories, on your hard drive and fill them with thousands of mysterious files with names like "aeiou.exe," "zxxz.dat," and "doo.wha."

10.When the installation program is finished, your screen should display the following message:
CONGRATULATIONS The installation program cannot think of anything else to do to your computer and has grown bored. You may now attempt to run your software. If you experience any problems, electrical shocks, insomnia, shortness of breath, nasal discharge, or intestinal parasites, you should immediately throw your pc out of the window or call *!@!$)$%@&*^)$*!#$_$*^&

11.At this point your computer system should become less functional than the federal government, refusing to respond even when struck with furniture.

12.Call the toll-free Technical Support Hotline number listed on the package and wait on the line for a representative, who will explain to you, in a clear, step-by-step manner, how to adopt a child aged 3 through 12.