What is on Your Mind?

Hung Chow calls into work and says "Hey Boss, I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, tummy ache and sore leg. I not come work".

The Boss says, "You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and ask her for $ex. That makes everything better and I go work. You try that."

Two hours later Hung Chow calls his Boss and says "I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house..."

A classic:

Code:

unzip ; strip ; touch ; grep ; finger ; mount ; fsck ; more ; yes ; umount ; sleep

I just go here for my daily laughs:
Fmylife - FML : Your everyday life stories.
Some of them are pretty funny


And I just found this the other day:
Chuck Norris Facts

This one has actually a continuation:

The guy on earth heard that exchange and yelled back:
"You sure are managers, aren't you?"
"Yes, we are managers. How did you know?"
"Well, first you use a device you are not qualified to operate, then you become completely lost and finally, somehow this is my fault now."


bakunin

This guy is hunting duck one day, and manages to score only one. He chases down the carcass, only to find that it has landed on the other side of a fence marked "PRIVATE PROPERTY -- KEEP OUT!"

He looks around for signs of other people, and not finding any climbs over the fence.

Suddenly a shot rings out. "Hey! What are you doing on my property?" he hears. A second later, an old man comes into view riding a 4 wheeler.

"I came to get my duck," the hunter tells the old man.

"Like hell you are! That duck is on MY PROPERTY, so it's MINE!" shouts the old man.

The hunter, clearly not willing to give up without a fight, yells "I SHOT it! It's MINE! Now, get out of my face before I hurt you, old man!"

"Well," muses the old man, "around these parts we have a way to solve this kind of problem. We take turns kicking the other guy in the nuts, and whoever gives in first, loses."

The hunter, thinking he's in pretty good shape and obviously a lot tougher than this old man, says "Fine! Bring it on, old man!"

The old man says, "Since this is my property we're on, I get to go first."

The hunter steels himself, and says, "Ready, old man!"

The old man winds up and delivers a kick that almost knocks the hunter out from the pain. He writhes on the ground for 15 minutes, squirming and holding his bruised nuts.

Finally, he stands up and snarls, "Now it's MY turn, old man! GET READY!"

The old man says, "Nah, that's OK. You win. You can have the duck."

At a doctor's shop one morning a patient arrives complaining of serious
backache. The doctor examines him and asks him "What the hell did you do to
your back?

"The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club?
Today morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise in my
bedroom. On entering I knew someone had been sleeping with my wife and the
balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find
anyone.

As looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing
himself. I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him. That's how I strained my
back"

The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The doctor
says "My previous looked bad, but you look terrible. What the hell happened
to you?"

He replies, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now. Today was the
first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late. I
was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time, and you
won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients
do.The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to you?"
"Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor!"

One of our forum members married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a Moderator at UNIX.COM. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"