04-06-2009
Not a joke per se, but nice bit of geek humor (I'm pretty sure everyone's read this, but here goes).
How to Shoot Yourself In the Foot:
C
You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++
You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there."
FORTRAN
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility.
Modula-2
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.
COBOL
USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.
PERL
You stab yourself in the foot repeatedly with an incredibly large and very heavy Swiss Army knife.
Assembly Language
You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot. After a moment of contemplation, the administrator shoots himself in the foot and then hops around the room rabidly shooting at everyone in sight.
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LEARN ABOUT DEBIAN
tenmado
TENMADO(6) tenmado manual TENMADO(6)
NAME
tenmado - hard-core shoot 'em up game in blue-or-red world
SYNOPSIS
tenmado [ --dump stage ] [ --full-screen ] [ --help ] [ --slow ] [ --stage stage ] [ --undump stage ] [ --undump-default ] [ --version ]
DESCRIPTION
tenmado is a vertically scrolling, late 1990s style (that is, a massive number of enemy shots against a smaller-than-it-looks spaceship)
shoot 'em up game. A very accurate collision detection makes it a game of dexterity. If something looks like a triangle, it is a trian-
gle, not a rectangle of similar size.
However, surviving is only 20% of the game. The main feature of tenmado is the "color chain bonus". You can get a very big score (about
100 times bigger than a normal enemy-destruction point) by destroying enemies of the same color successively. It is easy or difficult
depending on how greedy you are.
In the game, use cursor keys to move, press space key to shoot (auto-repeat). A joystick is also available for move and shoot. Note that
you must plug the joystick before you invoke tenmado. For more information, see the tutorial demo by choosing it from the menu in the
title. Also check the README file which can be found at /usr/share/doc/tenmado/README .
OPTIONS
--dump stage
Write high score data to standard output and exit. Usually you save the output in a file and later use that file as the input of
--undump. stage must be between 0 and 5. stage 0 means total score. stage 1 -- 5 means each stage score.
--full-screen
Run the game in the full screen mode.
--help Print a help message and exit.
--slow Run the game at the half speed. Technically, the length of waiting between each frame is doubled. This slows down everything in
the game, including your ship. The idea is to study the enemy formations for a later (normal speed) play. The animation may be
rough because this option gives you only about 16 fps. You can't enter the high score lists with this option.
--stage stage
Start the game at the specified stage. stage must be between 1 and 5. Note that you can play only one stage (the specified one)
and you can't enter the high score lists.
--undump stage
Read high score data from standard input, save them and exit. The input is usually the output of --dump. stage must be between 0
and 5. stage 0 means total score. stage 1 -- 5 means each stage score. Only the superuser may use this option.
--undump-default
If at least one high score list is empty, read the default high score data, save them and exit. If not, do nothing. The main pur-
pose of this option is to create high score database files at installation time so that you can set their permission.
--version
Print version information, license information and the disclaimer, then exit.
BUGS
Please report any bugs you find to Oohara Yuuma <oohara@libra.interq.or.jp>.
AUTHOR
Oohara Yuuma <oohara@libra.interq.or.jp>
Project Geeste Thu, 16 Jan 2003 TENMADO(6)