Post Your Favorite Joke! Laugh a Little! Post: 302304258

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The Lounge What is on Your Mind? Post Your Favorite Joke! Laugh a Little! Post 302304258 by blowtorch on Monday 6th of April 2009 02:07:33 AM

04-06-2009

Registered User

Not a joke per se, but nice bit of geek humor (I'm pretty sure everyone's read this, but here goes).

How to Shoot Yourself In the Foot:

C
You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++
You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there."
FORTRAN
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility.
Modula-2
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.

COBOL
USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.

PERL
You stab yourself in the foot repeatedly with an incredibly large and very heavy Swiss Army knife.

Assembly Language
You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot. After a moment of contemplation, the administrator shoots himself in the foot and then hops around the room rabidly shooting at everyone in sight.

blowtorch

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LEARN ABOUT DEBIAN

kraptor

kraptor(6)							       Games								kraptor(6)

NAME

       kraptor - a classic shoot 'em up scroller game

SYNOPSIS

       kraptor [options]

DESCRIPTION

       Kraptor	is  a  classic shoot 'em up scroller game, where you must fight against tons of bad dudes. The game offers high speed action, with
       massive destruction and lots of fun. Kraptor features a powerful engine for 2D shooter scroller games.

       After years of oppression, the slaved people of the world have raised against their masters. You, has a mercenary pilot, has been contacted
       by the popular rebellion to fight against the forces of oppression.

       In  the morning, you jump into your cockpit and start up the engines. It's time to get airborne and start the attack. Get ready to scramble
       the scum hired by the masters. Murder for freedom is the only way, you're on a mission, don't defraud us...

USAGE

       You must drive your plane and fight your enemies through a series of different levels. You can move your plane with the	mouse,	fire  your
       current selected weapon with your left mouse button and use the right mouse button to change weapon.

       There's	access	to a 'Black market' shop between levels where you can buy new weapons, upgrade ship, etc. You can always save your game at
       that point, so you must not start from the beginning every time you play the game.

OPTIONS

       These command line options are available:
	-safe	       Will run the game in 'safe' mode (will try to start it no matter what)
	-windowscreen  Will run the game in a window (not available in DOS version)
	-fullscreen    Will run the game in fullscreen
	-autoscreen    Will try to autodetect video card and screen mode
	-nosound       Disables the sound
	-320x200       Video mode 320x200
	-320x240       Video mode 320x240
	-640x480       Video mode 640x480
	-800x600       Video mode 800x600
	-1024x768      Video mode 1024x768

AUTHOR

       The original program was written by Kronoman.

       This manual page was written for the Debian GNU/Linux system by Miriam Ruiz <little_miry@yahoo.es> (but may be used by others, of course)

Miriam Ruiz							    29.05.2005								kraptor(6)