Programmer: A person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis of being able to turn out, after innumerable poundings, an infinite series of in-comprehensive answers calculated with micro-metric precisions from vague assumptions based on debatable figures from inconclusive documents and carried out on instruments of problematical accuracy by persons of dubious reliability and questionable mentality for the avowed purpose of annoying and confounding a hopelessly defenseless department that was unfortunate enough to ask for the information in the first place