What is on Your Mind?

Let's have a few laughs! Post your favorite joke!

(no racist / racism jokes, please post in good taste, thanks!)

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet, and shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: ‘California archaeologists, finding traces of 200 year old copper wire, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.'

One week later, The Statesman Journal, a local newspaper in Oregon, reported the following: After digging as deep as 30 feet in his pasture near Salem, Oregon, Ole Olson, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Ole has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Oregon had already gone wireless.

Who said Oregonians are hicks?

-- Begin Cheesy Joke --

A ham sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender caught glimpse of this, and immediately yelled: "Hey! We don't serve ham sandwiches here!"

The ham sandwich sat down and said: "That's okay, I only wanted a beer anyway."

-- End Cheesy Joke --

Not a joke per se, but nice bit of geek humor (I'm pretty sure everyone's read this, but here goes).

How to Shoot Yourself In the Foot:

C
You shoot yourself in the foot.
C++
You accidently create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical assistance is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying "That's me, over there."
FORTRAN
You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling facility.
Modula-2
After realizing that you can't actually accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.

COBOL
USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE. THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.

PERL
You stab yourself in the foot repeatedly with an incredibly large and very heavy Swiss Army knife.

Assembly Language
You crash the OS and overwrite the root disk. The system administrator arrives and shoots you in the foot. After a moment of contemplation, the administrator shoots himself in the foot and then hops around the room rabidly shooting at everyone in sight.

At the retirement home a nurse sees an old man, at least 95, maybe even 100 years old. He is busy reading a Linux book! So she asks, "Why are you reading a Linux book?" He replies, "Well, I don't have much time left in this world and I'm sure that the computers in Heaven are running Linux. So I just want to be ready."

"But happens if you wind up in, you know, that other place?"

"No problem. I have a Vista book too!"

Steven Wright:

Code:

I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said
to the guy, "Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is
traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything
happen?" He said, "I don't know." I said, "I don't want your job."

This has got to be my all time favourite:
xkcd - A Webcomic - Real Programmers
makes me giggle every time I read it