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Heh... They don't call PERL the "Swiss Army Chainsaw of Programming" for nothing :)

Not exactly true, other things besides Excel can produce "Excel files". I've done so in PERL scripts many times before using this:
http://search.cpan.org/search?dist=Spreadsheet-WriteExcel

If...

Is there an easy (and safe) way to upgrade RedHat versions remotely? I know the difference between 7.2 and 7.3 is just a bunch of newer .rpm file versions. Or is there more? Do I have to boot the CD...

There's a dozen ways to skin this cat. This is how I setup modems for primarily dial-in access:

Hardware modems are best.. Not "WinModems".

Get the serial port working the modem is on, I'll...

Generic, as in the built-in COM1/2 or something different? Check /etc/inittab for Se1A and 2A already defined at install time for /dev/tty1A and 2A. Otherwise "mkdev serial".